2009 TV - Hourlongs

10. Fringe

I didn’t like the pilot. Hell, I didn’t like the show until episode 1.18 (ironically written and directed by Akiva Goldsman, who has written and produced so many shitty movies that I feel like kicking him in the balls right now), but once the show started focusing on an alternate reality, I was sucked in. Maybe it’s because I’m a whore for severe science-fiction concepts (time travel and malevolent artificial intelligence also make the list, just in case Jeff Pinkner is reading), but there’s some good stuff here. It can be, from time to time, too episodic and lacking in character development (aside from Walter, who seems to change from scene to scene), but when it’s clicking, it’s clicking. I’m much more surprised than you that it made the list.

9. 24

It wasn’t the most consistent season (that would be Season Five) it didn’t have the best episodes (that was Season Three), but goddammit, it wasn’t Season Six. That’s something to be thankful for. Tony Almeida went evil, Renee Walker became the sexiest FBI agent since Dana Scully, Kim Bauer managed to be the smartest kidnapping victim alive, and the dearly departed Bill Buchanan managed to secure a silent clock twelve minutes into an episode. It’s amazing that an action show managed to execute a suspenseful seventh season, given how fast most shows in this genre burn out quick. I still cannot forgive the lack of a resolution to the Alan Wilson arc, but I’m still glad this show made the list this year.

8. Battlestar Galactica

Starbuck is an angel. Baltar and Six are angels (demons?). Hera is Mitochondrial Eve. Gaeta and Zarek get assassinated. Ellen Tigh is the final Cylon. As with most of the episodes in Season Two and the middle of Season Three through the middle of Season Four, Battlestar managed to remain utterly puzzling and incoherent at times whilst offering hours of such palpable tension that they feel like they last for mere minutes. I still only get about 45% of this show, but that 45% is so good that I really don’t care.

7. Big Love

Season One was overly earnest and pretty boring. Season Two was less so, but still not my kind of television. So imagine my surprise when I’m watching episode 3.04 and I forget all of these complaints. The writing in Season Three became more self-assured, avoiding the occasional mock religious self-parody that plagued earlier episodes. When Bill Paxton and Jeanne Tripplehorn discuss the vital need for progeny to serve in the Kingdom of Heaven, I’m no longer snickering. I’m taking it just as seriously as they are. Add a potential Indian/Mormon casino and you have some damn fine television. And that road trip episode? Most HBO shows aren’t that good 85% of the time. And when I take HBO to task, you’ll know that I mean it.

6. Kings

Oh, how I miss you, my poor, misunderstood Kings. HBO decides to make a rare bad decision and cancel Deadwood before David Milch’s last season and NBC made a rare good decision by immediately casting Ian McShane in a show with dialogue so flowery it feels genuinely Milchian. Yeah, it’s a modern, sci-fi interpretation of the Biblical story of David, but only much more interesting than anything in that Book of Snoozes. Add Dylan Baker and, my Lord, Brian Cox into the matter and you have me pleased as a pig in shit. I could listen to the Shakespearean verses by McShane for years, which is probably why I only got 13 episodes. It wasn’t perfect and sometimes defied logic, but it made me feel smarter.

5. Damages

“When I am through with you/There won’t be anything left!” It has the best theme song on television, and is easily the best cable show that isn’t on AMC, and Season Two was glorious. They managed to retain Ted Danson and employ William Hurt, Marcia Gay Harden and Timothy Olyphant, further solidifying one of the most resplendent casts on television. Damages is the rare show that begins every season with its final scene yet manages to avoid predictability. I know that I can’t do that, and you can’t either. For that reason alone, it earns its place on this list.

4. Dollhouse

What? A Joss Whedon show cleaning up in a RyBob year-end review? Shocking! But mock irony aside, it actually is shocking. The Bard’s most recent creation sucked for about five episodes (one of which was directed by Whedon and one of which was written by Tim Minear, so you know I’m not fucking around), but once “Man on the Street” hit, I wanted five seasons worth of DVD’s instantly. Fox’s decision to not air “Epitaph One” was completely foolhardy, as it managed to be the single best episode of television that I have seen since “Casino Night.” Brilliant and scary in ways that only Whedon can do, it set the tone for a mostly flawless sophomore effort, one that managed to make the who prostitution angle less icky (not much, but a little) and deliver whallop after whallop. Sierra’s flashback episode, featuring the chilling scene between Topher, Boyd, and a hacksaw? Genius. The episode in which we visit the Attic and essentially see what’s happening behind the giant Dollhouse windows in 2020? Among the most brilliant science-fiction forays since the Island moved. Plus, the best line of dialogue this year: “What year is it?” “2010. I think. It depends how long we’ve been off the air.” Of course, I’m writing this hours before watching the series finale, but if it delivers what I’m hoping it delivers, you’ll see Dollhouse in this same position next year.

3. Lost

Like I said earlier, the Island moved. In time. In space. All sorts of ways. We got to see how Benjamin Linus summons the smoke monster. We got to meet Jacob for the first time in the corporeal sense, a revelation that actually proves there was some plan. We got to see the hidden origin of Miles Straume, my favorite character. We got the Lampost. We learn how Dr. Pierre Chang lost the arm (let’s just say that the good doctor has something in common with Bennett Halvorson. The show also managed to, for the first time, make the off-Island events as compelling as the events in Dharma Central, especially when the narrative split. The final season premieres in mere days and I couldn’t be more giggly-fanboy excited. Namaste.

2. Mad Men

Matthew Weiner is, by now, a certifiable genius. As wonderful as his work on The Sopranos was, I rarely look forward to something more than a Mad Men episode with his name attached to it. Season Three brought us the brutal ennui of Betty Draper, the last stand of Salvatore Romano, the introduction of the British Brigade (namely Lane Pryce) and the serendipitous collapse of Sterling Cooper. Along the way there was a wayward John Deere tractor, Peggy uttering the line “my name is Peggy Olson and I’d like to smoke some marijuana,” the brief reappearance of Duck Phillips, and a season finale that redefined dramatic television. When a show manages to create its finest hour by imagining a wedding ceremony in the wake of Kennedy’s assassination and manages to top it a mere seven days later, there’s magic in it.

1. Breaking Bad

As much as I loved Season One (and trust me, I loved it), there was no more compelling mystery this year than the two dead bodies in the White compound. Add Aaron Paul’s increasingly empathetic junkie, the brilliance that is Bryan Cranston, another genius supporting role by Bob Odenkirk, the speech about water on Mars… you name it, I was enthralled by it. It’s hard to evaluate this show without uttering the word “genius” over and over again, so I won’t bother. If you weren’t wondering what the teddy bear was doing in the pool, shame on you.